http://www.askbaby.com/diet-and-fertility.htm
www.fertilityfriends.co.uk
www.thebabycorner.com
www.idreamofbaby.com
There are some really useful websites out there for people who need advice.
The above are just a few you may want to look at. Some are UK based and some American but take your pick.
Friday, 2 July 2010
Day One
So, 'Day One' has finally arrived. I telephoned the clinic on the first day of my cycle and had to go in for a scan on day two and pick up my hormone injections.
The scan has to be the worst thing. As I said before, no one like a pap smear but having an internal on the second day of your period is beyond uncomfortable and borderline torture. The reason, apparently, is to check that the blood is removing itself properly and that your ovaries and any follicles are all okay. It isn't pleasant but it is quick, I was in and out in under 3 minutes.
Next, I met with a nurse who talked me through my medication and how to use the injections. I will be using Gonal-F for the next week. This is a synthetic hormone that stimulates follicle growth to ensure they reach maturity before ovulation. I have to inject myself in the stomach every other day with 75IUs of the hormone. Sounds worse than it is, to be honest, but I did have to get my partner to inject me because, despite considering myself to be pretty hardened about most things, it turns out that I am completely incapable of putting a needle into myself.
And now I wait. I will keep injecting and waiting for one week and am due back to the clinic on the 8th for a scan to see how we are doing. This may be when they up the meds or it may be that I am right on track and good to go... keep fingers crossed and brazil nuts on hand (they're good for you, apparently).
The scan has to be the worst thing. As I said before, no one like a pap smear but having an internal on the second day of your period is beyond uncomfortable and borderline torture. The reason, apparently, is to check that the blood is removing itself properly and that your ovaries and any follicles are all okay. It isn't pleasant but it is quick, I was in and out in under 3 minutes.
Next, I met with a nurse who talked me through my medication and how to use the injections. I will be using Gonal-F for the next week. This is a synthetic hormone that stimulates follicle growth to ensure they reach maturity before ovulation. I have to inject myself in the stomach every other day with 75IUs of the hormone. Sounds worse than it is, to be honest, but I did have to get my partner to inject me because, despite considering myself to be pretty hardened about most things, it turns out that I am completely incapable of putting a needle into myself.
And now I wait. I will keep injecting and waiting for one week and am due back to the clinic on the 8th for a scan to see how we are doing. This may be when they up the meds or it may be that I am right on track and good to go... keep fingers crossed and brazil nuts on hand (they're good for you, apparently).
Picking the Donor
This is the fun bit. Though, to be honest, it would be a lot more fun if they gave you pictures and CVs. As it is, you get a basic breakdown of physical characteristics; height, weight, eye colour, hair colour, build, skin tone etc. You also get information on career and/or qualifications and a small outline of their 'hobbies'. In short, its a bit like internet dating without the pictures or the need to meet anyone for an uncomfortable conversation over a bowl of pasta.
The clinic will usually ask you to fill in a sheet outlining your basic 'wants' from a donor. These are obviously entirely up to you but they may well fit with what you or your partner look like. The sheet is then passed on the person in charge of their donor database and they go ahead and try to match you with a donor. Most likely they will send you one potential donor at a time for your consideration and ask you to feedback.
The first donor I got sent sounded like Dan Arnold out of the show 'Roseanne'; blonde, blue eyes, 6ft 3, heavy build and a mechanic. I'm sure he is a wonderful man (he must be - to be a donor is no easy task and they do not get financially rewarded for this amazing gift) but I had visions of having to push out a 14lb baby from my, relatively, small frame and panicked. Sorry Dan but I sent you back...
After this we got sent two potential donors. Both were University educated and very similar in build, colourings and interests. The only thing between them, really, was height. To give any potential baby boy every chance in life I went for the tallest guy - well, at least he is a good deal taller than average (which is only 5ft 9 in this country apparently!!! What's that about!?).
And that, basically, is that. Its hard to get too excited about the donor because, of course, you have absolutely no idea what they look like and you can only hope beyond all things that they were blessed with good looks and that they don't resemble a Klingon...
The clinic will usually ask you to fill in a sheet outlining your basic 'wants' from a donor. These are obviously entirely up to you but they may well fit with what you or your partner look like. The sheet is then passed on the person in charge of their donor database and they go ahead and try to match you with a donor. Most likely they will send you one potential donor at a time for your consideration and ask you to feedback.
The first donor I got sent sounded like Dan Arnold out of the show 'Roseanne'; blonde, blue eyes, 6ft 3, heavy build and a mechanic. I'm sure he is a wonderful man (he must be - to be a donor is no easy task and they do not get financially rewarded for this amazing gift) but I had visions of having to push out a 14lb baby from my, relatively, small frame and panicked. Sorry Dan but I sent you back...
After this we got sent two potential donors. Both were University educated and very similar in build, colourings and interests. The only thing between them, really, was height. To give any potential baby boy every chance in life I went for the tallest guy - well, at least he is a good deal taller than average (which is only 5ft 9 in this country apparently!!! What's that about!?).
And that, basically, is that. Its hard to get too excited about the donor because, of course, you have absolutely no idea what they look like and you can only hope beyond all things that they were blessed with good looks and that they don't resemble a Klingon...
Getting the tests done
There is no quick route. It does, and should, take a lot of time and thought to get to the beginning of the conception process so don't expect to turn up at a clinic on the day you ovulate and ask them to load you up straight away!
Most of the tests that you need, and there are many, can be done on the NHS. This can save you a stack of money but it certainly won't save you any time... make sure you allow for a good 3 months to get all your blood tests and up-to-date pap smear done and dusted. I had blood tests lost, pap-smears inconclusive (3 times) and found it took a million times longer than I had planned for. The UK hospital system is a blessed thing but it is also under-staffed, over-worked and choc full of red-tape and delays. Take a good book and get ready for a long wait.
Now, no one likes a smear test but, believe me, you had better get used to internal examinations. I have had my legs in stirrups and my nether regions out more times than I can now remember. Each time it is with a different nurse, for a different reason and each time it is pretty uncomfortable. That said, they are quick and kind and, at the end of the day, you know you are doing it for a good reason.
If you get easily embarrassed or have a particular phobia of speculums - get over it. There is only one way this is going to happen for you, unfortunately, and it is in a busy room with your legs up in the air and a 100 watt lamp lighting the way up and in. No one imagines making a baby could be this much effort, or this clinical, but for us it is all we have and the end result (and I'm hoping I get one) is worth every second.
Most of the tests that you need, and there are many, can be done on the NHS. This can save you a stack of money but it certainly won't save you any time... make sure you allow for a good 3 months to get all your blood tests and up-to-date pap smear done and dusted. I had blood tests lost, pap-smears inconclusive (3 times) and found it took a million times longer than I had planned for. The UK hospital system is a blessed thing but it is also under-staffed, over-worked and choc full of red-tape and delays. Take a good book and get ready for a long wait.
Now, no one likes a smear test but, believe me, you had better get used to internal examinations. I have had my legs in stirrups and my nether regions out more times than I can now remember. Each time it is with a different nurse, for a different reason and each time it is pretty uncomfortable. That said, they are quick and kind and, at the end of the day, you know you are doing it for a good reason.
If you get easily embarrassed or have a particular phobia of speculums - get over it. There is only one way this is going to happen for you, unfortunately, and it is in a busy room with your legs up in the air and a 100 watt lamp lighting the way up and in. No one imagines making a baby could be this much effort, or this clinical, but for us it is all we have and the end result (and I'm hoping I get one) is worth every second.
Finding the right Clinic
Thankfully, I have a lot of really good friends who have gone through this before me. I was recommended a clinic and, after some internet research, decided that it was the place for me.
There is nothing better, after 30+ years on the NHS, than your first visit to a Harley Street clinic. Clean, cool rooms furnished with wide leather sofas and stocked full of mineral water, real coffee, the day's papers and posh magazines that aren't 3 years out of date.
The receptionists, rather than looking shattered from over work and being harassed by patients on a minute-by-minute basis, are young and bright-eyed. They REMEMBER you every time you come. They KNOW what treatment you are there for, who you are there to see and that you might just be feeling a teensy weensy bit scared about the whole thing and that a friendly face and a smile will help. It's amazing.
If you don't feel that from the clinic you pick, then you've probably gone to wrong one. You have to feel comfortable in this space as you're going to spend a lot of time going there and, lets face it, it isn't always going to be happy times.
At mine, the nurses are all lovely and the consultants ooze charisma and professionalism. You know they get paid a hell of a lot of money because they are good at what they do. I certainly wouldn't be happy about handing over thousands of pounds if I didn't believe that (Not that I am that happy about how much it costs in general but that's another matter).
Get the decision about the clinic right and you're half way there. You have to feel relaxed or its race over before the starter pistol fires.
There is nothing better, after 30+ years on the NHS, than your first visit to a Harley Street clinic. Clean, cool rooms furnished with wide leather sofas and stocked full of mineral water, real coffee, the day's papers and posh magazines that aren't 3 years out of date.
The receptionists, rather than looking shattered from over work and being harassed by patients on a minute-by-minute basis, are young and bright-eyed. They REMEMBER you every time you come. They KNOW what treatment you are there for, who you are there to see and that you might just be feeling a teensy weensy bit scared about the whole thing and that a friendly face and a smile will help. It's amazing.
If you don't feel that from the clinic you pick, then you've probably gone to wrong one. You have to feel comfortable in this space as you're going to spend a lot of time going there and, lets face it, it isn't always going to be happy times.
At mine, the nurses are all lovely and the consultants ooze charisma and professionalism. You know they get paid a hell of a lot of money because they are good at what they do. I certainly wouldn't be happy about handing over thousands of pounds if I didn't believe that (Not that I am that happy about how much it costs in general but that's another matter).
Get the decision about the clinic right and you're half way there. You have to feel relaxed or its race over before the starter pistol fires.
The Back-Story
Okay, so to start with it is probably worth giving the background as to WHY I am putting myself through all this in the first place.
Obviously, when you're young, you think that by the time you're 25 you are going to be married, living in a house, maybe have a dog and at least one child... But then you get to 25 and realise that it actually isn't that old and that you'd much rather have a good time in bars and clubs for a few more years before doing anything stupid like settling down and starting a family.
And then, out of the blue, at around the same time, you suddenly realise you may not actually be cut out for the 2.4 kids and the husband. And that, just maybe, you might actually want a wife...
So it began for me. Many years of drama ensued; coming out to all and sundry is a long and thankless task. Parents, whilst they love you, live in a very different world and are not always (if ever) over the moon about having a Lesbian in the family. Worse still their own daughter who they had already picked out wedding venues, a dress, a potential husband and had the ideal family life mapped out long before the said-daughter hit puberty. But they got over it.
It took a little while longer for them to get their heads around the idea of gay marriage, and then longer still to get their heads around the idea of a gay family. But what can you expect from Daily Mail readers from the leafy suburbs?
And that's where I am now. Married, to a wonderful woman, and ready to start a family.
So how the hell does that work!?
Obviously, when you're young, you think that by the time you're 25 you are going to be married, living in a house, maybe have a dog and at least one child... But then you get to 25 and realise that it actually isn't that old and that you'd much rather have a good time in bars and clubs for a few more years before doing anything stupid like settling down and starting a family.
And then, out of the blue, at around the same time, you suddenly realise you may not actually be cut out for the 2.4 kids and the husband. And that, just maybe, you might actually want a wife...
So it began for me. Many years of drama ensued; coming out to all and sundry is a long and thankless task. Parents, whilst they love you, live in a very different world and are not always (if ever) over the moon about having a Lesbian in the family. Worse still their own daughter who they had already picked out wedding venues, a dress, a potential husband and had the ideal family life mapped out long before the said-daughter hit puberty. But they got over it.
It took a little while longer for them to get their heads around the idea of gay marriage, and then longer still to get their heads around the idea of a gay family. But what can you expect from Daily Mail readers from the leafy suburbs?
And that's where I am now. Married, to a wonderful woman, and ready to start a family.
So how the hell does that work!?
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